The Moment of Truth About the Bad Kisser.

Short answer: A good kisser caresses you. A bad kisser doesn’t.

He was my ex-boyfriend’s best friend. I was 15 and drunk. He was a freshman in college. We were in my bedroom while the rest of the party was rocking downstairs.

He played with my necklace, moving the clasp to the back of my neck, giving me some line about making a wish. He was trying really hard to look deep in my eyes and when I met and held his gaze, he leaned in to kiss me.

My heart was racing. I really didn’t like him that way, but this was a boy in college. He was nearly a man. And he wanted to kiss me.

I think my lips shifted into a slight smile as my eyes closed and I leaned forward, a hand moving to his chest for support, ready for his kiss.

Our lips met.

His arms slipped around my waist (go for the neck guys, not the waist, it’s way hotter in mho) and I stepped closer.

He kissed me with a closed mouth, then tilted his head the other way. Again, closed mouthed. I followed suit, but the third time he went to lift his head, I let my lips part.

Which was apparently the cue he’d been looking for.

He pulled me a little closer, opened his mouth, and begin to thrust his tongue in and out of my mouth like a Harley piston: hard, fast, and loud, with quite a bit of fluids leaking out.

I thought he was trying to be funny.

I pulled back, smiled what I’m sure now was a silly smile, and leaned back in, ready for a real kiss.

This time, I leaned into him, taking control of the kiss. I let my lips part and let my tongue caress his lip.

He let out a little moan, turned his head, and opened his mouth so wide, I could feel the corners of his lip stretching. And then he started with the tongue thrusting.

I don’t remember how I got myself out of that situation, I’m guessing someone from the party downstairs called for me. But I remember being completely disappointed by what I thought was going to be the best kiss of my life.

In hindsight, the dude was cute and friendly, but a dork (obviously, he was a freshman in college badly kissing a freshman in high school). And there’s a real possibility that it may have been his first real kiss.

Shrugs. If so, sorry Jason. Maybe I should have given you some tips. Because that’s really what he needed, just someone to show him how it’s done.

To make up for it, here are some tips to help the rest of you move from a not-so-good kisser to a one-she’ll-never-forget-for-the-right-reasons kisser.

• A kiss a caress. Think about caressing your partner’s lips and tongue with your lips and tongue. You’re not trying to bruise them, but caress them. This is especially important at the beginning of a kiss, which should normally start off slow and soft. In my opinion, the only time a kiss shouldn’t start this way is when it’s a passion filled, I-want-to-rip-your-clothes-off-type of kiss.
• Move both your lips and your tongue. It’s the flesh on flesh contact that makes kissing so arousing, so move your lips against his and use your tongue to touch and explore.
• But not too much. Like that poor college boy, too much movement isn’t a good thing, especially if it’s with your tongue. For me, a good kisser’s primary tool is their lips. Oh, the tongue’s there in the background, offering a soft reminder. And every once in awhile it can take center stage, but, for the most part, your tongue shouldn’t reach too much past the other person’s teeth and shouldn’t be the star of the show.
• Find the right pressure. Everyone likes to be kissed different, but few of us like so much pressure that our teeth are cutting into our lips. It’s better to be too gentle while you figure out what the person you’re kissing likes. In most cases, if they want a little more aggression, they’ll let you know by trying to deepen the kiss or increasing the pressure on their side.
• Find your kissing tango. Kissing involves two people, and much like a dance, you need to find your partner’s rhythm and find a way to compliment it. This may be mimicking their style or letting them take the lead and simply following suit.

• It’s not just about the kiss. When you kiss someone, don’t just focus on the kiss. Get your hands involved by holding the back of their neck, maybe laying a hand on their cheek. You may want to kiss their throat or their neck. Getting too caught up in just lips on lips may make your kiss feel mundane.
• Check your oral hygiene. If your breath still smells like the garlic cheese you ate for lunch, your partner may be distracted by your hygiene and not able to enjoy the kiss. Also check in with your lips, making sure they’re soft. When they feel rough, take a little honey and sugar mixture and rub it on them for a moisturizing exfoliation.
• Change things up. Nobody wants to get bored kissing, so make sure you’re changing things up every now and again. From moving your hands to gently sucking on a lip, variety is the spice of life, especially when you’re kissing.

While I’m sure there’s 149 other tips for improving your kissing style, I’m going to wrap it up with this… Don’t overthink it. Take a deep breath and relax. Remember, you’re here to enjoy the lip lock, don’t let your brain get in the way.

Hope this was helpful!