Loneliness and Singleness.

This is the true story of Nike  and she needs Help....kindly forward your messages to my inbox...

There are these days.. days when my strength fail me... days when I arrange my successes - things I fought so hard to achieve - before myself and they don't make any atom of sense. 

Days when the emptiness.. take this humanoid form, and glare at me over my shoulders... days in which getting the juice out fails to form any meaning.. no matter the inducement.. and then any effort at it becomes a labour in vain. 

Then you wish you had this just one person.. anybody..somebody.. better if it's the person u ever wanted but right there ur standing all by ur self and your successes with not a soul to share memories and moments with. 

Then you imagine how others did it.. do it. 

Then you want to regret all the sacrifices you made to get here but no you refuse cos they still seem worth it.. if only there was just this one person! 

Then u remember that when others were socialising and bonding, you were serving compulsory solitude perfecting what seemed to be the most important then. 

Now you want to be like others and you have no idea how it is done and again and again, you make effort at being someone's 'the one' but all they see is desperation, lack of wit and a machine.. yes! The machine you have conditioned yourself to be over the years efficient at everything except love

These lonely, cold and tiring nights make fun at you and enjoy how a well respected personality outside falls like a pack of cards inside especially at those times when u turn to ur body for gratification.

I have pain.. deep.. inner pain.. that I wear this nice smile to cover always or so I thought.. as recently, I have started thinking people see through me and visualise vividly the emptiness that lies inside..hmm the way they look at me. 

Then I convince myself that they stare at me cos they're seeing this fine person.. that lame excuse does get me through that moment. 

I look hard and wish I could see the future and see someone and be rest assured that it will happen. 

Cos I have been like this day after day, week, weeks, month, months, year and years!!

And suddenly I realise how nice I have become to people but I wonder why it doesn't work .. probably cos they're seeing a 'nice machine'

I feel exhausted, and sometimes wonder why with my accomplishments I don't get someone walk up to me and make me feel needed

Ofcourse, i'm macho.. this is where I get to melt like ororo in hot frying pan. 

Sometimes I try to settle for someone around the corner but that fighter in me refuses to.. prefering to stick to my 'old glory' of getting the best and what I feel I deserve. 

Maybe I deserve the best.. yes.. but not the best 'the one'..