Confused About my Stingy Husband...

I am a completely devoted housewife and stay at home mum of 2 kids. My husband works 8-10 hours a day, and when he comes home I make sure he has all the comforts and peace of mind available plus hot food and a cheerful atmosphere.

He earns roughly $3500-$4000 per month mashAllah, and we have a comfortable house we are renting, and maintaining our own cars. From his salary, he gives me $600 to run the household expenses which includes all the energy bills, utilities, groceries and childrens school dinners/sandwiches.

By the end of the month, every single penny has been used up for milk and bread etc. I never get a single cent to spend on myself. My parents give me $100 every month, and that too is spent on the bills and groceries. I never ever have money to buy myself anything. Even to buy things for the children I have to ask him over and over again to either give me money or take us shopping on his days off, for even basic things like school uniforms.

I have been shivering in the cold and do not have decent coat. he does not give it any importance. I do not even have the stamina left to tell him things I need. I buy the most economical clothes and shoes for the children. More often it is my parents who are buying things for me and my children like clothes on Eid and children's seasonal clothes.

He says we are saving up to buy a house, which I totally agree with as we are renting at the moment. But when it comes to him spending, there are no limits. He will book foreign trips for us, hold lavish dinners for friends, spend whole heartedly on anything he wants to buy for the house. But in my case, I have been constantly reminding him we need curtains for the house, even cheap flimsy ones would do but the sun is very disturbing sometimes, and there is no privacy even though our house is in quite an isolated place.I started working to fulfill my own desires, such as buying books for my children which they love reading, sometimes my niece too who I love dearly.  My sister is not well to do, and I like to treat her to nice things sometimes.

But unfortunately, when I started working, even though part time, my whole household system got disturbed. Every evening I was totally tired by the time I got home, lacking energy to give my family any quality time at all, as I was always burdened with responsibilities ie cooking, washing up, laundry, ironing, preparing for next day. Sometimes I had to stay back a bit longer due to work committments (I am a teacher), late parents, or talking to parents, or after school meetings and plannings , which angered my husband. He thought I was taking my job too seriously, whereas I was brought up in an environment where we were taught to do everything we did with full committment and sincerity.

As a wife, do I deserve some pocket money for myself from my husband, knowing full well he can afford it. He hates spending money on me. In 15 years of marriage he has never bought me any presents, clothes or Eid clothes.

My parents, God bless them end up taking care of everything. I have told them very clearly that they should not do it anymore. He needs to realize. But he does not give such things any importance. If I want to buy a coat, he will say to me, Summer is approaching, you are only wasting money. I am a hypothyroid patient, and cannot tolerate cold, so I go out with 3-4 layers of clothes and the a skimpy jacket which I ordered online because I seemed so odd in the cold wind standing there in the childrens school without a coat.

I know he loves me in many other ways, he is very very dependant on me emotionally, wants me to be around all the time, and worries if I get angry, or cry. I just dont know how to deal with this. Our intimate relations are perfect, we have a fabulous life Alhamdulillah, just that I don’t know if I should be getting more money from him

I have even told him the other day that I dont want us to buy a house. We will live in rented accommodation for as long as we have to.

His family is quite caring, and used to look after me well when they took me as a daughter in law. My husband separated me from them as he wanted complete control over me and brought me to the states.

Sometimes I think he is punishing me. His parents, just like mine are comfortably well off, but we do not recieve any help from them, which to be honest we don't need as Alhamdolillah my husband is earning well enough. But where do I stand?

PS: I have sat down with him on numerous occassions to explain how much I spend and how much I need. I am a mother, when my child wants to buy a book (Alhamdolillah they are not demanding children, but they love books), I hate saying to them I dont have money. I have no power as a mother. I hate it this way. I should have enough money to buy the essentials. I have never bought gold or anything expensive, and neither am I a big spender. It is just small expenses I am struggling with.

-Salima