Wonders....

MADWOMAN OR SCAMMER? JUST ANOTHER DAY IN 'PARADISE'

“I will beat you and strip you naked here!”  She screamed like a banshee. 

I saw my stripped naked self on social media platforms with captions like “ABUJA FEMALE LAWYER STRIPPED NAKED BY ANGRY MOTORIST”, “WOMAN BEATS AND STRIPS HUSBAND’S MISTRESS ON THE STREET”, “WOMAN GOT BEATEN BY MOTHER AND SON IN ABUJA” The mere thought made me cringe in fear. These days, the fear of social media is the beginning of wisdom. Never in my thirty something years have I been prepared for this type of assault, not from a senior citizen or a fellow woman. What began as a joke still feels like a dream even now, three days later. 

It was 6:30pm on Friday, 24th October 2016. I drove into Xcell Plus (a Gym with a supermarket on its ground floor) in Apo Abuja.  As I got out of my car, a Honda CRV with plate number GWA510AR drove in and blocked my car, a young man of about 25 years, (make that a boy) walked up to me and said “Excuse me, you hit my mum’s car, you bashed my mum’s bumper.” In my surprise, I asked “what are you talking about? How will I hit your car and be here?” Next thing I knew, I was hauled and jerked by his mum who had by now gotten out of her car. She was screaming “I will beat you! I will strip you naked! Let us beat ourselves here, see how you were driving like a man….” My first thought was “Odion you are being pranked!” I raised my hands and started asking “What’s going on here? Madam what do you think you are doing?” I couldn’t move, my black chiffon blouse in her grimy firm grip, just needed one pull for my breasts to be bare for the world to see.

Before I left home on that fateful day

Ladies and Gentlemen, I was not being pranked, I had been singled out for humiliation, but God saved me. At that moment, a man from the gym walked out and witnessed the scene as the woman grabbed me while her son was chanting “You did it! You did it! You did it” The man immediately forced the woman’s hands off of me.  I later got his name – Mr George. Mr George, told the now more enraged madwoman and son that he would fix the bumper and for the first time I saw their car. It was a gold coloured Honda CRV SUV with its front bumper dragging on the ground.  Mr George and 3 other men who had walked into the scene fixed the bumper in no time but the madwoman continued hurling insults at me saying she will deal with me. At that point I looked at her and said, “Madam, you are old enough to be my mother, so I will accord you…” before I could complete my sentence, she began further displaying screaming at the top of her lungs for all to hear and drawing more attention to the scene now growing by the moment with customers from the store, gym, spa and saloon coming to see what was going on. “Old enough kwa? Eeeehhhh, see this useless Abuja Big geh! You think you have arrived, what do you know, what have you achieved? I gave birth to my first son when I was 16years, I just celebrated my 55th Birthday last week” mssssheeewwww (she hissed, mimicking me) “you look old enough to be my mother”, look at me and look at you, make we take picture make we see who young pass…” 

At this point I was too shocked to speak. Here was a woman old enough to be my mother insulting me publicly for something I know nothing about. Then she goes on to the usual vagina insults – “because small small boys have started giving you money, you think you have arrived, Abuja big geh, waka waka, ashangba etc.” At this time we had a full audience for the show. Many of the peace makers were male customers who tried to calm the madwoman down, asking her what happened. That was when I got the full story. 

According to her “We were at the Apo traffic light and I was going straight to Gaduwa, I live in Gaduwa Estate, suddenly I hear a loud bang next thing I see is this car passing me, the person was driving like a man, so my son said ‘mommy see the car lets follow it’, so I followed the car, if you see how she was speeding, I thought it was a man, only to come and see it’s a woman, we got here and instead of her to accept and apologise, she is denying,  so I just said lets beat ourselves here…’

Then the men including a policeman there present went to assess my car to confirm her story but they found no scratch, bash or tell-tale sign of any accident on my car. She was asked to park her car well and they told her that it wasn’t possible that I was the one who hit her car. But she was adamant demanding that I pay for her bumper which I refused since I am not guilty. Then she asked that we go to Garki Police station, again I refused stating that Garki Police station does not have jurisdiction over Apo. Then she said her ‘son’ must drive in my car at which point I refused to leave Xcell. I was beginning to sense that this wasn’t an ordinary ‘you hit my car and ran’ kind of attack. Then she started her war chant “I am from the south-south, rivers state. We believe in jungle justice. If not for this men I would have beaten you, stripped you naked so that everybody here will whatsapp us! In fact I am calling my brother in SARS to come an deal with you’ It was then it dawned on me that she was not a random woman but a shameless, frustrated, ne’er-do-well with nothing to lose. I got on the phone and started calling up people I know.  My lawyer and colleague at the bar was the first to arrive the scene. Within minutes he understood the situation and immediately told me that “whatever happens here, I should not respond to her insults and I should not agree to go to the police station. 

Two policemen on bike arrived and were immediately briefed by the police on duty at Xcell. The policemen said the same thing that we should try to resolve it there and then. I was told to apologise to her, that it was all she wanted. I refused. The Police man asked her to come so we could resolve the issue. The woman who was by now sitting in her car refused. She said she had arthritis and couldn’t walk. We had to walk to her car to speak to her. The police told her point blank that there is no evidence that I was the one who hit her car. The police started preaching settlement to us and the woman got angry and shouted ‘Stop preaching, I am a Christian too! I am a Pastor, a Deaconess at House on the Rock. All this preaching is too much. All I want is for her to give me five to ten thousand Naira for me to fix my car.” Mr. George and two of the peace makers, hissed and walked away. It became clear to all present that all she wanted was money. Now everyone was asking if it was all about the money. Whether they were scammers or if they tailed the wrong car is what we’ll never know. The Police told her no one will give her money. She and her son got into their car and drove away never to be seen again.

What struck me most in the whole ordeal was the reaction of female by-standers who were there before the men arrived and did not attempt to help me or find out what was going on. I found out this morning that the vehicle, a Honda CRV with plate number GWA510AR is registered under the name of MRS P.P AMEH. Beware of this madwoman and do not attempt to apprehend without the presence of police, she may be armed and dangerous. Call Rapid Response Squad if sighted.

Odion Ejere

24/10/2016