Why Trying to please Everyone Doesn't Work.

You attract people less. I had always looked up to anyone who had the strength to go out and be themselves. But all too quickly that admiration would turn to adulation.

I found myself never speaking up, always going along with whatever they said and did, the eager puppy on their heels. And then, when I looked dispassionately at how they really saw me, there was one overriding word that hit me—weak. Strong people seek strong people to be around, so it was not surprising they were polite but always chose their true friends elsewhere.

2. You love yourself less. Because those very people you wanted to admire, respect, and love you now reject you, you tell yourself that you cannot be a lovable person. In desperation you increase your people-pleasing behavior and it becomes a depressing spiral. The gap from the way you act to the way you really want to act widens with every people-pleasing act. This leaves you feeling disappointed and ashamed of who you have become.

3. You become more manipulative. I would often feel resentful when a friend or colleague was asking for yet one more favor. They seemed to be manipulating me, taking advantage. Boy, that was hurtful. But you know, once I’d looked logically at the way they treated me, I realized it was more down to the way I’d treated them. I’d set the rules for their behavior toward me. I’d been the one to say, “Hey, that’s absolutely okay, go ahead.” In reality, I’d actually been the one doing the manipulating. Gulp!

4. You’re seen as less trustworthy. Always agreeing or saying the “right thing” seems to be well-intentioned, but however you dress it up, hiding what you think isn’t telling the truth. And as humans we hear alarm bells when we sense that someone is being false. It might seem like just a little white lie to flatter someone’s ego, but would you trust someone who only ever told you what you wanted to hear? Someone who hid their true feelings?

5. You end up with less confidence. People find you untrustworthy because you only tell them what they want to hear, so they are hesitant to confide in you. So you never know what they are really thinking either, which leads you to feel less confident in dealing with them.

6. You end up with fewer friends. Trying to please everyone is rooted in the fear of rejection. The irony is, because you end up seeming less attractive and less trustworthy, the very people you are trying to get approval from are often the people who reject you. Maybe not to your face, but in their hearts. Without intimacy, relationships wither and die. And no one wants to be intimate or vulnerable with someone who hides their true feelings.

8. You end up with the worst of both worlds. And what happens if you are trying to please two people who do not like each other? If you ingratiate yourself with one person and offer friendship, how do you now please that other person without un-pleasing the first? How do you decide who to please? It ends with up both of them disliking you as they believe you must be betraying them behind their backs. Who wants a two-faced friend?

9. You become more resentful. I have found this out for myself: you end up resenting the very people you’re trying to please. You feel they are taking advantage of you. However, when you are being honest, you also beat yourself up for trying to get them to like you by putting their needs before your own. You imagine they only like you because you say yes to their every whim. And in truth, you have no real way of knowing whether this is true or not, so you become more and more resentful of them.

9. You hate the things you used to love. Again, this is something I found from personal experience. For instance you may love cooking, maybe making cup cakes. So you offer to cook some as a way of getting love and appreciation. But soon you are either cooking them all the time for one person or, once again, you become the go-to person and you end up cooking them for everyone. What used to be an enjoyable pastime now becomes a chore you hate. And you’re not even sure any more if people actually like your cup cakes or if they are just seen as something free and easy they don’t need to put any effort into. Which is how you think they see your relationship with them.

10. You fail to please the one person that matters. But the most important reason to stop trying to please everyone has nothing to do with everyone and everything to do with just one person—you. Trying to please everyone is tied into the fear of rejection and the fear of failure. But the biggest failure in life is failing to be yourself. And the biggest rejection in life is rejecting yourself. By trying to please everyone, you make both these fears come true. Cure Yourself Of The Disease To Please .Trying to please everyone is a disease. Learning to be the real you, to stand up for yourself, to say no, is the only cure. Make a promise to yourself to start today. Gently and with kindness, tell just one person no. But tell them. Not everyone will like or love the real you and that’s okay. You can cope, you are stronger than you think. Because when you stop seeking the approval of others, you’ll find that you never needed it in the first place. The world doesn’t need another insincere people-pleaser, the world needs the real you. So step up and let the real you shine. The world’s approval is waiting for you.