Quarrel Triggers in Relationship.

……Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host. But anger is like fire. It burns it all clean – Maya Angelou Quarrel refers to disputes, arguments, disagreements and so on. Whether you like it or not, the number of quarrels recorded in relationships will far outnumber quarrels outside relationships. Quarrels over clothes, breakfast, lunch, dinner, finances, time, TV programs, children, books, work, sex, looks, weather, friends, parents, in-laws, office, make-up, body odor, colors, shoe lace, cars, car keys, text messages, phone calls, hair styles, haircut, unresolved issues, just name it, almost everything under the sun has the potential to balloon into quarrels in relationships, or better still, almost everything possess a silent force to trigger quarrels in relationships. Which of these are yours? Just like when the gun trigger is pulled, and the bullet zooms out, leaving smoke in its wake billowing and ascending upwards before dissipating with time, so do the issues above trigger quarrels in relationships billowing smoke everywhere. Certainly, when smoke lifts into the air, it diffuses and after sometime disappears leaving clean air or atmosphere, but not without having caused some ruin. As the saying goes, there is no smoke without fire. For there to be smoke, there must be fire. And for there to be fire, certain elements called heat, air and fuel must meet in the right proportion. The above listed issues and many others are elements that can lead to quarrels in relationships. To quickly stop a raging fire and clear the smoke in the air or atmosphere, you need to locate the elements causing the fire and extinguish it. Extinguishing the fire will cause the smoke to clear on time. Allowing the fire to burn itself out will lead to complete and sometime irreparable destruction. This also applies to relationships, you need to locate the elements triggering the quarrel and quench it on time. When hot and cold water meets together, they affect each other with both trying to gain supremacy, but at a time they reach a balance and at the end, due to favorable environmental conditions the cold water, being cool, overpowers the hot water. So the cooler you are, the cooler and calmer your relationship will be. Quenching fires may be dangerous if you don’t know how as this depends on skills as you may end up re-charging the fire unknowingly. And so you need skills to know how to extinguish the fire. In essence, you need to develop certain skills so that when those relationship quarrel triggers surface you will know how to disarm it effectively and seamlessly. But more importantly, you need to also gain skills in identifying all these quarrel triggers, their types, understand how you and your spouse feel about them, write them out one after the other and begin to develop your own home-grown remedy for each one. Create special times to discuss the triggers and their remedies extensively so that you can resolve them once the gun triggering them goes off and you will both come out of it with a better and more satisfying relationship. If there is anything that destroys relationships fast, it is mistrust and doubts and sometimes these are always imagined that real, so you just have to keep holding discussion sessions in your relationship until you reach suitable solutions. …….If you do not wish to be prone to anger, do not feed the habit; give it nothing which may tend to its increase – Epictetus