Wanting to be Pampered is not Gold-digging.

It’s sad that we live in a world that even the tiniest things are being monetized. It’s no surprise that a lot of relationships are greatly affected by this. It’s not odd for you to see men bash women every day for being gold diggers. Don’t get me wrong, ‘gold-digging’ women exist. These are the ones who love to eat more than they can chew or think they’re God’s gift to humanity just because they are women and can sway their hips. All that is on their mind is money, money, money. That is the only reason they ever get into relationships and they’re particularly very selective. However, this term has been so bastardized that even the average lady cannot ask her man for anything again no matter how little because she is scared of being tagged a gold digger. Trust me; you guys have not seen gold digging yet. If you watch ‘Telemundo’ a lot like I do, you’d know that there are gold diggers and there are GOLD DIGGERS.

The same way men are wired to want to be respected is the same way women are wired to want to be pampered. No one frowns at men when they demand respect but why do we frown at women when they demand to be pampered? I’m all for being an independent woman but in the long run, you’d wish you learnt to ask for things from your man once in a while. I’ve heard a lot of women complain that their men don’t buy things for them, take them out etc., not because they can’t afford to by themselves but because it makes them feel loved and appreciated when their men do these things for them. The thing is, when you tell a man you can do something, he’s going to assume you’ll never get tired of doing that thing. When you start dating and from day one you’re always like “bills on me”, the day you ask him to pay for your meal he’s going to be like, “but you have the money na”. Then in the future you’ll realize that you’re the only one paying the kids’ school fees or buying foodstuffs in the home and then start being resentful.

The truth is you never asked, and men are not mind readers. I’m sure you’re thinking ‘but he should know his responsibilities na’, you too ask yourself ‘who no like better thing?’ It is natural for humans to want to leech where they can so the least you can do for yourself is to protect yourself from being a host to parasites. If you like form miss independent from now till generations to come, you’ll never take your man’s position in the home, and he will never stop demanding the respect he thinks he deserves. Just look at Teeblizz.

Now before the feminists and anti-feminists come for me, being independent and wanting to be pampered are not mutually exclusive. I’m sure Alakija would still love her husband to take her out to dinner or take her shopping once in a while. Heck, even men loved to be pampered. They want to be fed, they want us to clean up after them, etc. So why do we feel bad and judge ourselves so much for wanting to be pampered? Is it because money is usually involved?

Let’s tell ourselves the truth please. No matter how rich you are as a woman, a surprise car gift from your husband will still sway you. There’s something about LOVE and GIVING. These two are mutually in exclusive. If you are a Christian, John 3:16 should ring a bell: “For God so loved the world that He GAVE His only begotten Son….” The giving of His Son is what proves His love for us. So if a man tells you he loves you but finds it difficult to give you things no matter how little, please have a rethink.

I know some of you are team #giving-should-be-by-both-parties. I’m not denying that fact but like I said, men and women are wired differently. Please, there is absolutely nothing wrong in gifting your man things or taking him out on a treat. However, the reality is there are more women who would love to be pampered this way than there are men. Same as there are more men who would love to be pampered the way I cited above than there are women. For men, I have one honest question. Who would you rather be with; a woman who contributes financially but is not down for domestic chores or a woman who would bear the entire domestic burden and not contribute a dime? You want both? Isn’t that selfish if you are not ready to be both yourselves? The reality is if we take financial obligations away from most men, you’ll see that they hardly have anything else to offer in relationships. So why do we like short-changing ourselves ladies?

If you are not used to asking your man for things, start now because the longer you take in asking your man for little things, the harder it gets in the subsequent future. Now be careful, he is not your BANK. Don’t ask him for what will stress him out. What do you need that iphone 6 for? Is it really necessary for you to have it? Don’t be insensitive just because you want to be pampered. There are some things that is better for you to let him gift you at his own discretion. It’s sometimes sweeter that way. You can just hint it to set him in the right direction only if you’re sure he can afford it without breaking bank. Biko, he is somebody’s son too.

Lastly guys, don’t see women as wrong for wanting to be pampered. Don’t you love to be pampered in your own way? Would you feel the way you’re feeling right now if it didn’t cost money to pamper us? If you come from the very traditional home, will you call your mom a gold digger? Or can you help us by telling us how else you can pamper us without taking us out or buying us gifts? See you in the comments’ section